April 1st, 2011
Committment is the main point right? Whether you spend ,000 or not should be entirely incedental, other than a really expensive photo op.
Why do people still do this? Is it because a girl wants to feel like a complete princess for a day? Or that she wants her family to give her lots of gifts?
I honestly don’t understand the significance of it.
I think that you really SPEND more than you get in gifts (at least most people do)… But… wouldn’t all of that money put into the fancy dress and expencive decorations be better spent on the furniture for your new apartment?
Why do you go through the charades? For the photo album?
I think I kind of get what you all are saying…
For the record, my husband and I made our personal commitment, and, what I believe is our WEDDING 1 month before our actual certificate and cerimony.
However, we had no money, and we were just going to get the certificate to have if for military benefits.. but so many people chipped in, we had nothing to give back to them, but we had a free venue for a wedding (someone’s living room), a free dinner for the small amount of family that showed up (We didn’t send invitations. My family hated him then, they got over it), and the pastor payed for a nice dinner for all of us after, our first hotel, and a member of his church volunteered his summer cabin (it was the winter then, but it was still wonderful, AND… it had a wood stove! 
)
I think what made my wedding special for me, is the fact that so many people helped to make the day special for us, that they cared for us that much… I mean, we loved each other, that was a given.
But the fact that so many people supported us was wonderful to me.
But still, risking our financial futures to support a ridiculous hulking wedding that neither of us could pay for without credit cards seems kind of irresponsible to me.
The people who truly loved us despite our choices of partners showed up despite the fact we didn’t throw a big bash.
But, I guess it depends on what you think is important to you.
Hey Ms. X! I didn’t mean to thumbs down you for the record, I was trying to click thumbs up, but yeah…
I agree. if you have the means to go about it, that’s cool. I just hear of SOO many people going into debt over their weddings, while I consider that their choice, isn’t their future more important?
If it was a potluck in a backyard with folding chairs and the bride was in her best dress, I would show up because I love her. I don’t see the whole point in throwing a multi-thousand dollar bash because it looks good, and more people will show up.
I guess it’s all about what’s important to you though.
A wedding allows the couple to share their vows with the family and to come together to celebrate afterwards. Of course, the couple should never spend above their means, but some do. You can’t put a price tag on a memory.
I have to agree with you. Besides what is a piece of paper worth these days anyway. The money should be spent on the days ahead not on the present time.
Good memories to look back on I guess, plus they’re the type of things that bring a lot of the family together
Commitment is the main point, yes. But some people choose to celebrate this important event in their lives with family and friends. Not everyone who has a wedding spends a lot on a dress and decorations. As Suz123 says above, "live and let live." Don’t begrudge someone else a wedding just b/c you don’t understand the significance of it.
Also, you question doesn’t consider that some of these couples are older folks who can afford the wedding and who already live in a furnished house.
(Or younger folks who can afford a wedding.)
Yes agree commitment is the main thing
Spending vast amounts of money does not make you any more married than someone whose main expense was the marriage licence
For some girls – yes it is important to feel special – even if only for a day – cos when they settle into the hum drum of everyday life – they have something nice to remember back to
Some people do like to get the gifts – they are called takers and generally not givers – remember that one and ask yourself which one am I?
Fancy dresses and expensive decorations – go back to point 2
Charades – people play them – some on their wedding day and some in other forms at differing stages in their life
Photos go with the princess bit
It is an individual decision . . . best left up to each couple.
It a big wedding is not important to you? Then wed at the courthouse. You will be just as legally married as the couple that has the big, expensive wedding.
But if another bride wants the big ceremony? If she is happy with the idea, enjoys the planning, and can afford it? Then let her enjoy.
Live and let live.
Its not about the presents or how much you spend. Its that you are publicly making a promise before God that you are Committing to this person. That is the reason for the vows. You are telling the world that this person is who i am going to spend my life with.
Ok, so it sounds as if a big wedding isn’t necessary to you. That doesn’t mean your particular opinion on the subject is the right one–at least not for anyone other than for you.
We probably did spend alot of money, but it was mine to spend-I earned it. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to celebrate what I consider the most significant day in my adult life in the manner I see fit? I don’t get it. I’m 38 years old, have a great job and married a man with a thriving business he built from scratch over several years. Why aren’t we entitled to celebrate our wedding on our terms? Because someone we don’t know will think we’ve wasted our hard-earned money in a way they didn’t agree with? We also built a new house this year, and it’s lovely–I suppose we could have bought a used mobile home, but we also chose not to do that. Money comes and goes-if you’re willing to work for it, there’s always more to be made. Your wedding day, however, is a one-time event, and I hate the thought of looking back on my wedding day with memories of a courthouse and no real celebration all over saving a few bucks. Where is the sense in that?
It’s not about how much you spend. It’s about inviting others to come and be a part of the joy of the day you and the love of your life pledge your commitment to each other in a legally binding contract. And then have a party after to celebrate. Whether you spend $500 or $500,000 is totally irrelevant.
I know that it’s shallow, but I DO want to feel like a princess, a precious treasure offered up to my husband on a golden platter. In this day and age women have to be strong, and tough, and capable. For one brief moment I want to feel like a soft, cosseted, delicate female.
With a tiara.
My fiance and I are eloping this winter. We are going to an Inn and we will be married in a private ceremony. We will both be dressed up in nice clothes. He will wear a suit (bought new, because he needs a new suit anyway. If he had a nice one bought within the past 15 years, he would just wear that, but…) and I will wear a casual/dressy royal blue dress that I will wear many more times. There are a few traditions we are keeping, old, new, borrowed, blue, sixpence, and we are getting a very small cake. Oh, and I want to wear a veil with my non-wedding dress (buy some tulle from WalMart, cut it and shape it and attach it to a barrette.) We are keeping these traditions because they are fun and (dare I say?) cheap. We will be taking some pictures of the Inn, decorations, cake, etc. with a camera we already have, some pictures will be taken of our ceremony for $25. We will stay at the Inn for 2 nights. We will be spending a total of about $1,350, including the Inn, the wedding, license, rings, clothes, etc. $450 is for the rings, $500 is for the wedding and 2 nights at the Inn, about $300 for clothes that we will use again, We are only spending about $100 for the rest of the "wedding only" things.
We are doing this because, for us, marriage is very personal and intimate. For us, to have a bunch of people around would distract from the true meaning of the marriage vows. And, we need to many items, furniture and appliances, to spend any more money than that!
We will be able to talk about and celebrate our marriage with our family and friends at the holiday celebrations that follow.
they are a big waste of money
You can’t get married without a wedding. My wedding is going to cost less than $1000, and it’s only that much because our parents are paying for all of the bells and whistles (reception, photographer, etc), so we can afford to be generous. I fail to see how the fact that people go overboard with reception spending and planning diminishes in any way the importance of a wedding.
Some people drive used hyundais, some people new porsches and they all sit in the same traffic.
I know people who spent $100,000 on their wedding, I know people who spent the $35 for the marriage license. Both couples were happy on their wedding day.
too many brides are influenced by popular culture and think they have to have the "barbie dream wedding" when they would be wiser to put a down payment on a house or pay off their student loans.
People used to say "you only do it once" but with a 65% divorce rate thats unlikely.
It is easy to get carried away when you start planning even if you are trying to keep it simple.
There is no "correct" answer that fits every person
Hi. You are absolutely correct! The commitment is the important part.
HOWEVER, I have a different view.
~ Why do you think that those that spend $30K go into debt? Maybe BOTH the bride and the groom have a six-digit income. Why do you judge? And…those that come to their wedding also love and support them, just as the guests who came to your wedding love and support you.
~ You were given a very GREAT GIFT! A gift that not many have, which was so many people willing to help and support you (FINANCIALLY)….yes, it was financially…along with their love, in order for you to have a wedding.
Not everyone gets to have a dinner paid for by their pastor for all of their guests! And a cabin given for a honeymoon free of charge?
I think the kind of wedding you had sounds absolutely GREAT! I would have come in an instant. Likewise, I would enjoy going to a grand black-tie affair if I am invited to a wedding such as that.
Yes, it IS about commitment….so why are you judging? If people choose to go into debt….oh well. I agree that it is not right….but it is THEIR decision.
None of us should judge. You DID have a wedding, so why the question "are weddings necessary?" YES, a wedding IS necessary if a woman and man want to be legally married. You sound like you are trying to justify your choice of a wedding over someone that spends $30K.
It’s a personal choice and there is no right or wrong. I had a beautiful wedding that did cost a lot of money but I will have the memory of all those that shared in our joy and came to support our marriage.
No the gifts don’t matter and yes my wedding costs a lot more than we received in gifts, do I care? No. I was happy people traveled to celebrate with us.
I didn’t risk my financial future. We have a house, 2 vehicles that are loan free, as well as many other vehicles, have our own business, and a thriving life together.
If a big wedding wasn’t important to you then that’s fine but it doesn’t make those of us that do wrong.
You are right, having a wedding you can’t afford is irresponsible, but it doesn’t mean those that do have a wedding go in debt either.
A wedding isn’t made by the grand expenditures of it, it is the love and support of those that love you that make it great and it sounds like that’s what you had, as well as myself.
Commitment is the whole point of a wedding…but they way people go about it is their business, whether it cost them $1 or a million dollars, if they can afford it, I say, go for it. I do disagree with people that spend $30k on a wedding they cannot afford. I am actually spending that for my wedding, but we can do so since we but have graduated college, have really steady, good-paying jobs, and are planning to purchase a house next month. Of course we could have used that $30K in to a lot of other ‘necessary’ items, but we are both only doing this once in our life, and we both agree to it, is it really anyone’s place to tell us no?
You are wise for your years, you really are Liberty hon! Fancy weddings are for show, literally a social event. Your just as "legally" married at a court house as any where else.
With the ease of attaining divorce in America for literally no reason what so ever, I’ve long been in doubt about the importance of the meaning "legally".
t sounds like you did it right for you & hubby. Your relationship/marriage is just that, yours. Saving your money for future endevours shows common sense over emotion plus it worked for you both. At the end of the day, that’s all that matters!